Oct 10, 2003
w0w this is EXTREMly dEEp
ok this is very hard for me to talk about but its been a long time and i need to get this off my chest or atleast what is there [tehe].. um i broke it off offically now with scott. we had our problems and after what happn yesterday i just couldnt go on with my life knowing it could happen again or even worse.. so i had to talk to the cop that goes to our school messina and we worked everything out.. i fel liek shyt tho i didnt wanna do this but i was so scared i didnt no what to do. anyway i think varsity football star hehe
Posted at 08:17 pm by PoOBeaR
Sep 26, 2003
Well its been a while. Not much happend Scott and I got into more arguments and Iv just been called names by stupid white ppl that have no place to talk. This week went by kind of fast even though wednesday felt like tuesday and today feels like thursday. I still have a problem with the whole jealousy thing. Its very hard to work out. I mean iv been like this for the longest time, and I dont no how long it will take for me to just relax when scotts around other girls. I mean I should know its nothing, He wouldnt be with me if he didnt love me and if he is with me because he just wants a girl around then wutever. I know how that feels iv had guy that I went with that I didnt really like I just wanted a guy around me because I feel loved and thats all I really want here is just to be loved damnit!! I dont ask for 20,000 dollars worth of jewlery or clothes some times food and a damn engagment ring lol but still. I just want scott to love me for who I am. and I guess its just very hard for him to do because he wants things to be his way and at times I know he doesnt want to be with me because of the way I act. I really dont know what to tell him. Except for im sorry but Its very hard for me and Im sorry if I am always hurting you and yelling at you and saying things I dont say. But I dont want you to be round other girls even if they are your good friends. You say you wouldnt get mad If I had a best guy friend but I think deep down you really would you'd think that Id wanna get with them and shit. and thats how I feel most of the time I feel like you could be tellin me something and be thinking something completly different.
anyway off to school ill finish later~!
Posted at 06:54 am by PoOBeaR
Sep 15, 2003
I'm feeling kinda gloomy today. I hurt my hand last week bowling and It still hasnt healed. So when scott and i said we would take aprils lil brother bowling i should have said no. cause i new id wanna bowl but i couldnt do i fucked my hadn up even more. Playin tennis isnt that bad it doesnt hurt my hand as much. I wish i new if it was sprained or not. cause if it is then i need to put something on it to keep it kinda up. well anyway, i dont no how much longer i can stand this whole scott says the word cute around me to another grl. its ok for him to say it but when i say it its like " oh u wanna get with him dont u" and he no its nothing like that. i feel like im nothing to him. im just a lil toy and soon he is gonna throw me away. And the whole situatiobn with that lil grl well hes in for it ..a yr and a half in j-a-i-l.. should do the trick.. not really its not like its gonna stop some one from doing it again. i mean if i didnt give scott any he would go to another grl like her. he even said that if we broke up he would go back to her.. and i cryed after he said that..
Posted at 09:03 pm by PoOBeaR
Sep 10, 2003
Is There Some Reason
Why I'm Always So Helpless??
I really wish I knew why everyone hates me or they walk all over me like I don't even exist. When I know for a fucking fact that I do. And It's not even so much that. It's like when I want to be with friends or family they blow me off, I'v been through It to many times [ and still counting] but why Is It so hard for me to come right out and say "just tell me the truth that you don't love me like a sister, or you would make a fucking effort to chill with me".. It's very hard for me to say that, expecially to 2 of my really good friends. Maybe they really do have other things to do. But every day?? Their excuse Is " well I don't think my mom will let me", then ask the worst she could say is NO.. and even so atleast you asked.
Yesterday when I hung out with Scott he was sick, which really sucked. I was kind of happy cause he wasn't as horny lol so I got to sleep for a good few hrs. Then I came home and ate, did homework, and tryed to sleep. I didn't sleep well and I woke up this morning extremly tired. I'm not sure why. I didn't have any nightmares that I know of. Yesterday in History with Mr. Ellis he was cracking us up. Even though he called me and Shelly crackers, and I couldn't believe he said it. [ It was said jokingly] Still, I'm very shocked he gets away with that shit. And some times I feel like Mr. Ellis and Mrs. Trainor pick on me cause of Scott. Even though thats not the reason, I'm just always thinking that.
Today Scott's picking me up for school and hes taking me to his house till about 7 like he does every day. But soon he won't have to I'll have my own car..hehe.. anyway. Then I'll go to school and have another one of those really bad days. [ I always do so why fight It] I'll leave my 4th block and go out the back doors of the gym and see Scott sitting his car waiting for me and then hoprefully If I don't have much home work, We'll go bowling. But that also depends on my finger cause it still really hurts and Im not so sure why It hurts this much. I didn't bruse It or anything that I know of. Oh well time to go wait for Scott to call me
Posted at 06:31 am by PoOBeaR
Sep 6, 2003
Its been a while since I wrote in here.. and I dont have much to say except school really sucks.. and my teachers are anoyying as hell.. Umm..I think Scott is gonna propose to me..we went and looked at the rings yesterday and shit.. so yah anyway
Posted at 12:10 am by PoOBeaR
Sep 3, 2003
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH were back in school.. i cant believe this shit..and today was such a drag i cant wait to see wut the next two hundred and something or more days bring..ahhh i dont even wanna think about it.. anyway.. today sucked.. tomorrow is gonna suck.. so wuts new
Posted at 08:38 pm by PoOBeaR
Aug 31, 2003
Today was ok . BUT could have been better. Scott,his parents and I went bowling today. It was pretty cool i guess. Scott beeeeeeet me in bowling.. wtf kind of shit is that. lol.. hes suppose to suck and im suppose to win. cuz im speical lol. but o well..i helped his mom cook dinner and then i took it up to him cuz he wants feeling that good..after dinner we snuggled for a half hr or so and then i came home..
we couldnt go see my car today cuz the car dealers arn't open on sundays and i think they will be closed tomorrow cause its a hoilday.
well im bored,
Posted at 10:21 pm by PoOBeaR
I never thought I'd get so upset. And getting upset at my best friends isnt exactly what I wanted to do. It's pretty fucked up how when I want to spend time with them before school starts It can't happen..but If they want to hang out with any of there other friends they can. But when Lea wants to do something It's a crime. The whole bowlling thing was fucked up Aj couldn't go Ti couldn't go and kt was our last hope and she bailed on us. So Scott and I went on our own.. and when we showed up guess who we saw..Bondi and Carmen..That just fucked up the rest of my night..We went back to his house and we chilled out for a few.. I got to drive his car today. It was really fun. cause' I never thought Id drive his car any time soon. His mom didn't like the idea. But who cares Imma drive anyway.. Surprisingly my mom didn't say anything..
Tomorrow I think my mom and I are going to look at my car. [ acura rsx] and then hopefully later on that night I am going bowling with Scott and his parents. And Imma look like a fool against his parents. Scott and I have been talking about gettin married kinda soon I know but I can't help It. Im very happy and I hope that hes happy to.. anyway..
Posted at 12:06 am by PoOBeaR
Aug 29, 2003
To just sum this day up.. my plans to go bowling with ppl is ruined..sleeping over ti's house was ruined.. and the only good thing outta this day was getting bridel mags.. with wedding dresses and hot spots.
what a bunch of bullshit!!!
Posted at 08:23 pm by PoOBeaR
I never put my schedual up for ppl
`Topics of Geometry-Bitner-221
Most liekly you dont have the same classes as me..
and thats just fine and dandy..cuz i hope i dont have
Posted at 12:30 am by PoOBeaR