Entry: `while Sep 26, 2003



Well its been a while. Not much happend Scott and I got into more arguments and Iv just been called names by stupid white ppl that have no place to talk. This week went by kind of fast even though wednesday felt like tuesday and today feels like thursday. I still have a problem with the whole jealousy thing. Its very hard to work out. I mean iv been like this for the longest time, and I dont no how long it will take for me to just relax when scotts around other girls. I mean I should know its nothing, He wouldnt be with me if he didnt love me and if he is with me because he just wants a girl around then wutever. I know how that feels iv had guy that I went with that I didnt really like I just wanted a guy around me because I feel loved and thats all I really want here is just to be loved damnit!! I dont ask for 20,000 dollars worth of jewlery or clothes some times food and a damn engagment ring lol but still. I just want scott to love me for who I am. and I guess its just very hard for him to do because he wants things to be his way and at times I know he doesnt want to be with me because of the way I act. I really dont know what to tell him. Except for im sorry but Its very hard for me and Im sorry if I am always hurting you and yelling at you and saying things I dont say. But I dont want you to be round other girls even if they are your good friends. You say you wouldnt get mad If I had a best guy friend but I think deep down you really would you'd think that Id wanna get with them and shit. and thats how I feel most of the time I feel like you could be tellin me something and be thinking something completly different.

anyway off to school ill finish later~!

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